I wasn't planning on writing anymore tonight, but I just want to. You ever have those late nights where you've been down and out and having a hard time, and you just can't sleep? Well, that's me tonight. Except it's only 9:25 pm. Hey, that's totally late to me. It actually feels like it could be closer to 11. The sun now goes to bed around 5 pm with daylight savings, so I'm all messed up on what time it really is. Life has been a little tough lately. First world problems I know. Just to preface, I know I am tremendously blessed with my life, home, and family. But even us very blessed and happy people have problems. It's just been rough. My husband and I can't seem to get along lately, everything has become an argument the past couple of days. Money, kids, time, you name it, we've hashed it out. I'm sure every couple known to man has had these same types of debates, but for some reason I always feel like I'm one of the only people in the world going through this and I must be doing something horribly wrong in life. When I was younger in my early twenties, I used to be so confident and sure of myself (I'm sure most early twenty-somethings feel this way). I would get out with girlfriends and go to Sonic just to drink a slush and chat. I did things for me and had time for me. Now, as a mother, I do for everyone else all day everyday and there is little to no time left for me. I really wouldn't have it any other way. Because if I had all this time for myself that would mean my family didn't exist and that would be the worst thing ever. I just want a little time for me every once in a while ya know? Like to just go out and get my nails done, or peruse the aisles of Target, or go stare at a wall somewhere alone. I know my husband probably feels the same way. He works very hard at his job, with very long hours. He comes home exhausted to a house full of screaming youngsters most nights. It has to be frustrating. I guess this is where most older couples would tell us that these are the most difficult, yet rewarding times in our marriage, and that we will miss them when they are gone. I suppose they'd be correct. I can't imagine a time where all of my kids are grown and gone. I tear up just thinking about it. But just as a person, as a woman, I miss the me I used to be sometimes. That confident 21 year old that felt like she could take on the world. I literally thought I could be anything I wanted to be. I married young and started my family young. I love being a mama. To me, there isn't anything more rewarding in this world. But I do feel like I am failing daily. I am sure if I talked to any other new stay at home mom, she would tell me she feels like this too. Sadly, all of my friends are accomplished full time employees working on their careers and waiting to have families. I wouldn't trade them, I love my friends and am proud of them. We just don't really relate to each other anymore, and I haven't met or found any other mommies to bond with yet. I know my husband probably wishes sometimes that I had a mommy friend to talk to, that way I'd stop talking his ear off so much haha! When I was a full time employee, I had all kinds of adult conversations. Now my conversations revolve around baby talk and Barbie talk. But I missed my daughter terribly when I dropped her off at daycare every morning, and I am blessed to get to stay home with the kids now. I guess what I am trying to say with all the ramblings, is that I really do love my life. I am blessed with a supportive husband, healthy children, a roof over my head, clothes on my body, and food in my belly. And even though I am so so happy most of the time, I still have those moments where I want to sit and cry. I want to see that confident 21 year old again when I look in the mirror. Some days I miss her. And I think that's okay.

Goodnight all and God bless.

Hugs and Love,