We've had so many cold, snowy nights. The perfect weather for soups and chilis! I wanted to share my taco soup recipe with all of you to also enjoy. It'll make you all warm and fuzzy inside, and it's super easy to make! :) This is a simple recipe and is made much like my chili. However, it has a totally different taste when you want to mix things up a bit. I hope you all enjoy!

Anxiety.

Such a small word for such a big, horrible thing.

I wanted to share my story about my journey with anxiety in the hopes that maybe it will help at least one person out there.

I never really felt like an anxious person growing up, but looking back now I realize I probably dealt with anxiety on some level, even as a child. I handle really tough situations very well, but everyday struggles seem to be my downfall.

My first anxiety attack landed me in the ER at the age of 22 over what I thought was a heart attack. I know this is all too common, and I've read countless posts online of other people that have gone through the same thing. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. Or crazy.

At the time, I was married to my first husband (yes I've been married twice *gasp* I'll fill you guys in on that story in another blog post ;) He was in the Army and I was in school to be a Registered Medical Assistant. I LOVED going to school for this and was not bothered by blood or any other bodily fluids, this was my calling. But there was this particular day where we were learning how to use certain medical machines. And as with every student in the healthcare field, we practiced on each other.

The first machine we practiced with was the EKG machine. It was my turn to play patient and my report was abnormal: myocardial infarct. My professor laughed it off and joked that I was about to die. I too tried to laugh it off. Later that evening I was home alone, my ex (Mark) was at work, and I was bored. I decided to rearrange my living room furniture (something I still do a lot to this day). After heaving and pulling our heavy sectional around the room several times, I was finally finished and plopped down to rest. That's when it started. Racing pulse, pounding heart, numb tingling limbs, numb face. I called my mom in a panic who tried to calm me down, nothing worked. All I kept hearing in my head was "myocardial infarct, you're about to die." I called Mark, who came home and took me to the ER. Mind you, this was the Army hospital. So after 7 hours and an a-hole doctor making me feel like a crazy person, I was sent home with muscle relaxers and a bruised ego. I was embarrassed.

That was the last time I'd have a panic attack for over a year. Shortly after that episode, I found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy with my daughter was so wonderful. I wasn't stressed, I had graduated school, and was able to stay home for my full 41 weeks of pregnancy. I felt great. No more anxiety and no more panic.

But then she was born. Don't get me wrong, that was the most amazing experience of my life, but what happened after sent me into a downward spiral. I wrote about my trauma after my daughter was born in my blog post titled "My Twins Premature Birth Story". Go check it out to get the details on what happened to me.

After my emergency surgery, I assumed all would go back to normal. I was wrong. I was miserable. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cried all of the time, worried about every little ache or pain I felt. I went to see my OB/GYN who diagnosed me with Postpartum Anxiety and sent me home on two different types of meds. It was official, I was crazy. Or so I felt.

Little did I know, I would rely on one of those medications for 3 more years to feel like a normal person. I tried coming off several times, only to relapse and go right back on them. Even on the medicine, I would still have the occasional anxiety attack, just not as severe as they were without them.

I was obsessed with my health (or lack thereof). I was constantly thinking there was something wrong with my heart and I was going to kick the bucket any day. And it was much worse because I had this beautiful, new, perfect baby girl to live for. What would she do without me? I wasn't ready to die. These are the thoughts that would pulse through my mind, and the anxiety would be in full swing.

This is a miserable way to live, it's not living. Going minute by minute worrying about living is not living at all. 

People would tell me "just stop worrying" or "ya know, in the Bible it says you shouldn't be anxious about anything". As a Christian, this would really bother me. No one with anxiety wants it and would do just about anything to stop it. You even tell yourself, "this is just anxiety, I'm fine, God is in control". But once in an anxiety attack, it's impossible to just "snap" out of it. It takes time.

Flash forward 3 years. I had divorced and was in a new relationship with a wonderful man. We had moved in together and were planning our wedding. That's about the time I found out I was pregnant with my twins. If any of you out there know anything about anxiety medicines, then you know you can't take them while pregnant (or it's highly recommended that you not). I had a friend that continued to take hers while pregnant and her son was born with pulmonary hypertension. So scary.

I stopped my medicine cold turkey and never looked back. I was in a much better relationship with a man that actually loved me. I was more stable than I'd ever been in my life. I was loved. It was time I take back control of my life.

I will be so honest here, it was one of the hardest things I've done to date. Anxiety is no joke and no laughing matter. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's a loss of control, an overwhelming sense of doom. But I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It's been almost two years since I stopped taking those medicines. I've never felt better, or stronger. Or more in control. YOU can do it too. Yes, I've had some anxious moments here and there since. I mean, I'm a young mother of 3 and two of them are twin boys. I'm allowed some anxious moments from time to time ;) But I promise it's like a ton of bricks being lifted. I can breath easier, I can enjoy all the moments of life a little more. When I feel anxiety creeping up, I stop and take three deep breaths and say to myself "this is anxiety, and you are better than it." May sound silly, but it works!

I feel regret for missing a lot of my daughter's infancy. I mean, I was there, but I wasn't there too. I was physically there, but mentally, it's all a blur. And that breaks my heart. Good thing is, her and I have made lots of memories since then. I'm pretty sure I've made up for it :) And I'm a much stronger person for having gone through it. I didn't let it define me and I'm proud for that.

I will be praying for and thinking of all of you out there that are fighting this monster. Persevere, keep fighting. You will get through it.

Hugs and Love,

I don't know about you other mamas out there, but I find myself struggling with finding healthy and easy foods to feed my toddlers for breakfast. They like to sit in their highchairs and feed themselves, so anything involving syrup is out of the question (unless it's a day that I'm feeding them). They have also become quite the picky eaters. So lately I've been feeding them oatmeal and yogurt for breakfast, with the occasional granola bar or pop-tart. When I make bacon and eggs, they eat wonderfully, so I decided to try something new with eggs the other day that would make it easier for them to feed themselves and would also be yummy and healthy. I decided to share the recipe with anyone else out there that struggles with what to feed their young children. (I also ate this and it's great for all ages ;)

I'm not sure if it's my 4 year old's new found sass, or a case of cabin fever, or both, but she's been driving me 10 shades of crazy lately. She was out of school Monday for MLK Day and out today for a snow day (preschool only goes two days a week here). So in all fairness she has been cooped up indoors for several days now. Some children would do fine with that, not my kid. She has so much energy that sometimes I get tired from just watching her gallop through the house. Izzy is the type of child that needs to get out and burn off steam, so I figured it would be a great day to get all the kids out to have some snow time fun! It's also the twin's first experience with snow. And they loved it! I got some really great shots of them playing today.






But now is the end of this blog post, and it's back to the real world for me. Back to teaching my 4 year old the lesson "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So don't peg your brother with that snowball if you don't want him doing it back. And don't tickle him till he cries. I don't think she realizes that one day they will be bigger than her....Yep this is the life. And I wouldn't trade it. But I still wouldn't mind some prayers sent this way ;)

Hey everyone! I haven't been writing much in the past couple of weeks because...well...not much has been going on. It's been quite peaceful around here and I'm not complaining! After Christmas quickly came and went, we got all of the decorations put away, Izzy started back to school after a nice long break, and the routine was back in full swing. And of course, after Izzy went back to school, she brought home the crud (yes..again!) and shared it with her brothers. I seriously feel like all I ever talk about are my kids being sick. But on the up side, they are all on the way to being fully better and this mama is happy for that.


We had our first snow of the season a couple of days ago. It wasn't much, just a dusting, but it was enough for Izzy to go play in. She was thrilled! I watched from the window (way too cold for me). She really enjoyed herself. She also decided about a week ago that she was ready to get her ears pierced. I've been asking her for a few months now if she wanted them because she is always admiring my earrings. I was her age when I had mine done and I felt she was old enough to make that decision. She always replied with a "No way!" and looked at me like I was a crazy lady. But out of nowhere she came up to me and said she was ready. We took her to the mall and had them done this past Saturday. She cried a little but was really brave and made me so proud. She looks so grown up now and she loves them. Her daddy and I promised to take her and her brothers to Chuck E. Cheese afterwards if she was good. It was packed and I beat myself up for making that promise, but we held true to our word and took her. It actually ended up being a fun time. The boys are finally at that age now where they can ride some of the little rides and they had a great time too. It wore them all out and it was an early bed time for everyone. The next day was when the snow came, I made a big pot of homemade chili and we all stayed in. I really enjoyed the weekend!


Monday came and it was back to work for my husband. He kissed me bye and left. Several minutes later I hear big boots clomping through the bedroom and I seriously thought I was being robbed (in my nightgown!). I jumped up from under the covers and it was my husband telling me I needed to get up. Freaked out, I got up and turned the lamp on and he informs me he's just wrecked the car. I was startled, trying to wake up, and confused. I asked if he was okay and then got the details. It really wasn't bad. He slid on some ice and landed in a ditch, bumped his head and broke the windshield (I always knew he was hard-headed ;). After getting it to the shop we found out it has some significant damage underneath where it hit some big jagged rocks. It will be out of commission for a while, but such is life! I'm just glad he's okay and feel blessed we have a second vehicle!

This too shall pass.

And ya'll...I totally fell off the 21 Day Fix wagon during the holidays, but I am jumping back on and will be updating you guys on that in a few days!

I hope you are all well and happy. I am so glad to be back to my blog and I will be writing again soon. Be blessed everyone :)

Hugs and Love,

I hope everyone had a joyous and blessed Christmas. I wanted to share how ours went. On Christmas Eve we went to my parent's house and celebrated with them and my brother. My mom went all out with the food and desserts. We had a table full of delicious food including: gourmet sandwiches, fried mushrooms, country ham biscuits, spinach dip with Hawaiian bread, cheese ball with crackers, and far too many desserts to name.

My twins are actually 15 months old, but hey, it's the thought and effort that counts right?! I've been trying to find the time to take their pictures since a little bit before Lucas and Zachary turned one, but with all the illness and busyness that's been going on in the family, it's been postponed a few times. But....I FINALLY did it!! The boys weren't very into it, they were just all over the room wanting to play. I did, however, get several good shots that were just too cute not to share. I will post some of them below. I hope you like them as much as I do!

Gah! I love them so.

Baby Raccoon, Baby Monkey :)

Lucas knows to get anything he wants, all he has to do is give Mama this look!

And the same goes for Zachary when he gives me this look!

My Santa Babies

I hope you are all enjoying this holiday season. We just had a 75 degree day in mid December, which was very odd, but I'm not complaining! Annnnd....I finally got around to doing some Christmas shopping and finished a lot of it! Only have a couple more people to buy for. I am so excited to give them out! Anyway, I will be writing another blog post soon and will include pictures of our Christmas festivities. I hope you are all well and I'll chat soon.