Whew.


I think that is the first deep breath I've taken in weeks.


I'm so glad to be back to my blog and I have so much I want to write about! My family and I took a little vacation the week of February 15th. It's the first vacation we've taken together. Ever. It was just a nice getaway, and also a Valentine's celebration (of sorts) for my husband and I. The week leading up to vacation was somewhat of a blur. My husband was working mandatory overtime, so I was left to take care of all the packing and trip prepping, along with taking care of the kids. It was chaos for all of us. The day before we left, it snowed (AGAIN), and it was a lot. Ugh, I'm so sick of snow and so ready for spring. On the day we left, it was pouring down rain, which was good because it was melting said snow. But it was a slushy mess loading the luggage and kids into the van and getting out of town. We traveled to Pigeon Forge, TN The Great Smoky Mountains. Growing up, my family and I took a spring break vacation there every year. It's not too far away, roughly four hours (tack on a bit more when travelling with small children in the pouring rain.) Seriously, the trip there was so rough. Props to my husband for remaining so calm. We couldn't see the road in front of us at some points it was raining so hard. I was a nervous wreck the whole way there. When we finally arrived, it had stopped raining and I got so excited! Like a kid again! Pigeon Forge is a very family friendly area. There are things to do year round, and the mountains are gorgeous. Since we had our small babies with us, we mainly stayed at the resort. There was an indoor water park and the condo was gorgeous.



Lucas was so eager to explore the place that he's not pictured above. But he was with us! Izzy was so thrilled. Her first vacation! She kept saying "mama, this is the best VEEcation ever!" Melted my heart. And as you can see from the photos, Zachary was pretty happy too!

We got in pretty late that first night and we lost an hour on the way. We all ate Steak N Shake at about 10:30 and then called it a night. I promised Iz that the next day would be a whole day devoted to the indoor water park. She couldn't wait. And to be honest, I couldn't either. They had splash pads, water fountains, indoor water slides, a big pool, and a hot tub! Count me in.




Izzy probably went down the water slides at least 50 times (not exaggerating) and all by herself too! She's so independent for a four year old, and definitely an adrenaline junky. She did not get that from me. I wish I had gotten a picture of it, but it's a lot harder than one would think having your phone around that much water and wrangling 17 month old twins. So the snapshots I posted are the only ones I have from the water park. Did I mention all the pools were heated? Okay, I'm ready to go back!

The next day we decided to get out and take the kids to WonderWorks, or the upside down house as we called it. It's a really neat place (a bit overpriced in my opinion) but still fun! It's described as an indoor amusement park, but I wouldn't call it that. It explains science in a really neat way for children to better understand. I'll post a link here to their website if anyone wants to go read about it! There wasn't much for the babies to do, but even they had fun walking around exploring the place. And there is fun for adults too.



After we left WonderWorks, we headed over to a really neat restaurant called Harpoon Harry's Crab House. It was HUGE and very nice. We splurged and I got the filet mignon while my husband enjoyed the rib-eye. We also had fresh sushi for an appetizer. It was pricey, but I would recommend it. Delicious food!

The next day was spent shopping and we ate at a Mexican restaurant called Cielito Lindo. They had authentic Mexican food, huge portions for a great price. The food was also delicious there. I wanted to take my husband to Knife Works, which is known to be the "World's Largest Knife Showplace". I truly believe that. It's three stories and we didn't make it through the whole thing. My husband bought a new, really nice, pocket knife, and I was able to get a really nice gift to take home for my dad.

We rested in the room that night and my husband took Izzy back to the waterpark. They had a blast, and I believe that was my daughter's favorite part of vacation or uh...VEEcation ;) I really enjoyed just relaxing and spending time with my family.

Zachary giving kisses to sissy

The kiddos really enjoyed the jetted tub!

Lucas loves his daddy so much

The day came to come home and disaster struck. Okay that might be a little dramatic, but it was pretty disastrous. My husband woke up more sick than I have ever seen him. He had a horrible stomach bug. We first thought it might be food poisoning, but we all ended up getting it later so that was ruled out. I let him rest and I packed up our entire condo and got all of the kids ready, loaded up the van, and drove us all home. It was stressful to say the least. But I was so worried about Eric. Poor thing was so sick. I ended up getting it that night (after we had arrived home--thank goodness) I can't imagine having that while trying to drive home, I would have had to stop and get a room for another night. And then it made it's way through my children one by one. I spent the next several days bleaching and disinfecting my house. We are all finally well!

Izzy went back to school today and the routine is back in full swing once more. We really had a great trip, but we are all glad to be home. And I am very happy to be back to my blog! I hope you are all well and enjoying life :) I'll post again soon!

Hugs and Love,

Anxiety.

Such a small word for such a big, horrible thing.

I wanted to share my story about my journey with anxiety in the hopes that maybe it will help at least one person out there.

I never really felt like an anxious person growing up, but looking back now I realize I probably dealt with anxiety on some level, even as a child. I handle really tough situations very well, but everyday struggles seem to be my downfall.

My first anxiety attack landed me in the ER at the age of 22 over what I thought was a heart attack. I know this is all too common, and I've read countless posts online of other people that have gone through the same thing. It's comforting to know I'm not alone. Or crazy.

At the time, I was married to my first husband (yes I've been married twice *gasp* I'll fill you guys in on that story in another blog post ;) He was in the Army and I was in school to be a Registered Medical Assistant. I LOVED going to school for this and was not bothered by blood or any other bodily fluids, this was my calling. But there was this particular day where we were learning how to use certain medical machines. And as with every student in the healthcare field, we practiced on each other.

The first machine we practiced with was the EKG machine. It was my turn to play patient and my report was abnormal: myocardial infarct. My professor laughed it off and joked that I was about to die. I too tried to laugh it off. Later that evening I was home alone, my ex (Mark) was at work, and I was bored. I decided to rearrange my living room furniture (something I still do a lot to this day). After heaving and pulling our heavy sectional around the room several times, I was finally finished and plopped down to rest. That's when it started. Racing pulse, pounding heart, numb tingling limbs, numb face. I called my mom in a panic who tried to calm me down, nothing worked. All I kept hearing in my head was "myocardial infarct, you're about to die." I called Mark, who came home and took me to the ER. Mind you, this was the Army hospital. So after 7 hours and an a-hole doctor making me feel like a crazy person, I was sent home with muscle relaxers and a bruised ego. I was embarrassed.

That was the last time I'd have a panic attack for over a year. Shortly after that episode, I found out I was pregnant. My pregnancy with my daughter was so wonderful. I wasn't stressed, I had graduated school, and was able to stay home for my full 41 weeks of pregnancy. I felt great. No more anxiety and no more panic.

But then she was born. Don't get me wrong, that was the most amazing experience of my life, but what happened after sent me into a downward spiral. I wrote about my trauma after my daughter was born in my blog post titled "My Twins Premature Birth Story". Go check it out to get the details on what happened to me.

After my emergency surgery, I assumed all would go back to normal. I was wrong. I was miserable. Couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, cried all of the time, worried about every little ache or pain I felt. I went to see my OB/GYN who diagnosed me with Postpartum Anxiety and sent me home on two different types of meds. It was official, I was crazy. Or so I felt.

Little did I know, I would rely on one of those medications for 3 more years to feel like a normal person. I tried coming off several times, only to relapse and go right back on them. Even on the medicine, I would still have the occasional anxiety attack, just not as severe as they were without them.

I was obsessed with my health (or lack thereof). I was constantly thinking there was something wrong with my heart and I was going to kick the bucket any day. And it was much worse because I had this beautiful, new, perfect baby girl to live for. What would she do without me? I wasn't ready to die. These are the thoughts that would pulse through my mind, and the anxiety would be in full swing.

This is a miserable way to live, it's not living. Going minute by minute worrying about living is not living at all. 

People would tell me "just stop worrying" or "ya know, in the Bible it says you shouldn't be anxious about anything". As a Christian, this would really bother me. No one with anxiety wants it and would do just about anything to stop it. You even tell yourself, "this is just anxiety, I'm fine, God is in control". But once in an anxiety attack, it's impossible to just "snap" out of it. It takes time.

Flash forward 3 years. I had divorced and was in a new relationship with a wonderful man. We had moved in together and were planning our wedding. That's about the time I found out I was pregnant with my twins. If any of you out there know anything about anxiety medicines, then you know you can't take them while pregnant (or it's highly recommended that you not). I had a friend that continued to take hers while pregnant and her son was born with pulmonary hypertension. So scary.

I stopped my medicine cold turkey and never looked back. I was in a much better relationship with a man that actually loved me. I was more stable than I'd ever been in my life. I was loved. It was time I take back control of my life.

I will be so honest here, it was one of the hardest things I've done to date. Anxiety is no joke and no laughing matter. I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. It's a loss of control, an overwhelming sense of doom. But I promise there is light at the end of the tunnel.

It's been almost two years since I stopped taking those medicines. I've never felt better, or stronger. Or more in control. YOU can do it too. Yes, I've had some anxious moments here and there since. I mean, I'm a young mother of 3 and two of them are twin boys. I'm allowed some anxious moments from time to time ;) But I promise it's like a ton of bricks being lifted. I can breath easier, I can enjoy all the moments of life a little more. When I feel anxiety creeping up, I stop and take three deep breaths and say to myself "this is anxiety, and you are better than it." May sound silly, but it works!

I feel regret for missing a lot of my daughter's infancy. I mean, I was there, but I wasn't there too. I was physically there, but mentally, it's all a blur. And that breaks my heart. Good thing is, her and I have made lots of memories since then. I'm pretty sure I've made up for it :) And I'm a much stronger person for having gone through it. I didn't let it define me and I'm proud for that.

I will be praying for and thinking of all of you out there that are fighting this monster. Persevere, keep fighting. You will get through it.

Hugs and Love,

I'm not sure if it's my 4 year old's new found sass, or a case of cabin fever, or both, but she's been driving me 10 shades of crazy lately. She was out of school Monday for MLK Day and out today for a snow day (preschool only goes two days a week here). So in all fairness she has been cooped up indoors for several days now. Some children would do fine with that, not my kid. She has so much energy that sometimes I get tired from just watching her gallop through the house. Izzy is the type of child that needs to get out and burn off steam, so I figured it would be a great day to get all the kids out to have some snow time fun! It's also the twin's first experience with snow. And they loved it! I got some really great shots of them playing today.






But now is the end of this blog post, and it's back to the real world for me. Back to teaching my 4 year old the lesson "Do unto others as you would have them do unto you." So don't peg your brother with that snowball if you don't want him doing it back. And don't tickle him till he cries. I don't think she realizes that one day they will be bigger than her....Yep this is the life. And I wouldn't trade it. But I still wouldn't mind some prayers sent this way ;)

Hey everyone! I haven't been writing much in the past couple of weeks because...well...not much has been going on. It's been quite peaceful around here and I'm not complaining! After Christmas quickly came and went, we got all of the decorations put away, Izzy started back to school after a nice long break, and the routine was back in full swing. And of course, after Izzy went back to school, she brought home the crud (yes..again!) and shared it with her brothers. I seriously feel like all I ever talk about are my kids being sick. But on the up side, they are all on the way to being fully better and this mama is happy for that.


We had our first snow of the season a couple of days ago. It wasn't much, just a dusting, but it was enough for Izzy to go play in. She was thrilled! I watched from the window (way too cold for me). She really enjoyed herself. She also decided about a week ago that she was ready to get her ears pierced. I've been asking her for a few months now if she wanted them because she is always admiring my earrings. I was her age when I had mine done and I felt she was old enough to make that decision. She always replied with a "No way!" and looked at me like I was a crazy lady. But out of nowhere she came up to me and said she was ready. We took her to the mall and had them done this past Saturday. She cried a little but was really brave and made me so proud. She looks so grown up now and she loves them. Her daddy and I promised to take her and her brothers to Chuck E. Cheese afterwards if she was good. It was packed and I beat myself up for making that promise, but we held true to our word and took her. It actually ended up being a fun time. The boys are finally at that age now where they can ride some of the little rides and they had a great time too. It wore them all out and it was an early bed time for everyone. The next day was when the snow came, I made a big pot of homemade chili and we all stayed in. I really enjoyed the weekend!


Monday came and it was back to work for my husband. He kissed me bye and left. Several minutes later I hear big boots clomping through the bedroom and I seriously thought I was being robbed (in my nightgown!). I jumped up from under the covers and it was my husband telling me I needed to get up. Freaked out, I got up and turned the lamp on and he informs me he's just wrecked the car. I was startled, trying to wake up, and confused. I asked if he was okay and then got the details. It really wasn't bad. He slid on some ice and landed in a ditch, bumped his head and broke the windshield (I always knew he was hard-headed ;). After getting it to the shop we found out it has some significant damage underneath where it hit some big jagged rocks. It will be out of commission for a while, but such is life! I'm just glad he's okay and feel blessed we have a second vehicle!

This too shall pass.

And ya'll...I totally fell off the 21 Day Fix wagon during the holidays, but I am jumping back on and will be updating you guys on that in a few days!

I hope you are all well and happy. I am so glad to be back to my blog and I will be writing again soon. Be blessed everyone :)

Hugs and Love,